November 17, 2001  #7

The Mad Cow Jumped Over the Moon Hash

Location:  High Island, Galveston County

Hash Trash by Rain Bitch


What's the difference between a Slut Hash and a Bitch Hash?  A Slut Hash fucks everybody!

You know it's going to be a long run when GRIND SLUT, the live hare, looks at his watch around 3:00 p.m., and says, "Well, I need to start trail, it's going to get dark in about 2 1/2 hours!"  With that, he took off down the beach setting trail.  The pack gave him a scant 10 minutes, and we were off.

Trail eventually left the beach and headed into a field filled with oil pumpers.  After climbing over the first of many barbed wire fences, we ended up in this field that resembled something out of a Star Trek episode -- the cows had recently trampled through the soft dirt, leaving it with holes about a foot deep, and about two inches apart from each other.  This lunar landscape slowed the pack down to a tedious walk.  We crossed a large hill, then WOW MOM WOW, HOOTER BILL, PEE WEE and I began searching for trail off a check, and had to stop to explain we were a cross country running club to a local.  Upon realizing he couldn't hear very well, we abandoned this PR event for the club, and left in search of trail.  Wouldn't you know it, the next lunar landscape had an arrow, so we were back on trail!

It was during this time that GASLIGHT encountered several cows.  PUPPY PRICK and STINKY were nearby contemplating which side of the barbed wire fence to run on, when GASLIGHT comes running out of the woods with two cows in hot pursuit of her.  Good thing she's a fast runner, because she ultimately dodged them by ducking off trail.  The guys made sure she hadn't suffered any Post Cowmatic Stress Disorder, then they all were off in search of flour.  The trail intermittently went in and out of some beautiful woods, and we ultimately got to a difficult check that had everyone running in all directions looking for trail.  RUBBIN THE BOY WANKER had a nasty encounter with a barking dog, but trail was eventually found, and it went inside a Nature Preserve.

The Nature Preserve had many wooden pathways, beautiful trees and lovely ponds.  It was in one of these lovely ponds that we see something swimming towards us.  After discussing whether a duck could leave that much of a wake behind it, and realizing that beavers and otters are not indigenous to these parts, WOW MOM WOW remarks that with a snout like that, it must be an alligator.  So as we begin running around this lake, the alligator begins turning and following us.  You'd never believe it, but HOOTER BILL and I all of a sudden became sprinters! You wouldn't think we had it in us!

Next was running near another beautiful pond with about twenty white herons perched atop some trees.  When we left this idyllic setting, we ended up right by the difficult check we encountered earlier.  To think!  We could've gone into the woods right there, and caught GRIND SLUT!  Oh well, SEX TOY actually did catch GRIND SLUT, but not wanting to see GRIND SLUT's privates, he opted against de-panting him, and helped him continue setting trail.

Trail went left into a large field and back towards the beach from there.  The last part of the trail required walking through some nasty briars, then wading through a canal.  Thanks to PEE WEE for helping me across.

The circle was spirited, with SLEDS & TURDS as Religious Advisor.  It's always a great circle when you have such experienced Songmeisters as SLEDS & TURDS, GRIND SLUT and SHUTTLE COCK in the circle singing from their large repertoire of songs.

LIMP NOODLE came in from New Jersey (probably to prove to any willing harriette that BABY HUEY was just joking about his being a homo), and we had FUZZY WUZZY in from San Antonio H3.

HAIRY PALMS celebrated his birthday that night, with WOW MOM WOW making some excellent seafood and sausage gumbo and a heart-shaped German Chocolate Cake that she made from scratch.  She is a super woman.  She even made coffee ahead of time for us to drink the next morning!

Several people brought their musical instruments, with CLARK CUNT bringing his didgeridoo.  If you blow that thing the wrong way, it sounds really bad!  However, he gave STICKY LIPS and me instructions on humming into it, and we could have done the Survivor Theme Song if given enough time.

The Leonid meteor showers were incredible, and several other hashers showed up late just to watch them with us.  SANTA CLAUS came in from Austin H3 around 4 a.m., and GRABBER was there from Austin H3, too.  The fact that we won't see such a spectacular meteor shower again in several decades made it all the more worthwhile.